Children and Husbands

Recently I discovered a wonderful new blog - "At the Well - In Pursuit of Titus 2". Here is an excerpt from yesterday's post:

"Sure, out in public or via our blogs/social networks we talk all about how are babes are blessings. Uh huh. But how many of you are sincerely experiencing your children as blessings in the day to day? How often does the thought pop in your mind that your kiddos are burdens (shhh...don't tell!)? You don't want to think that way, but some days it's just so...hard to be a mommy. Don't worry, I can't read your mind, your secret is safe with God. He knows. He knows that so often we are exhausted, exasperated, and sometimes even lost when it comes to truly experiencing our children as being blessings, not just "in theory" blessings. He also knows that there is joy to be had."

To read more, click here

Today's post is just as convicting. How often do we nag our husbands and come up with excuses to justify ourselves? Here is an excerpt of today's post:

"How many times do I have to say something before that man will get up and help with the kids!?"

"Doesn't he realize how stressful my day is?!"

"How hard is it to put the towels in the hamper?"

"It would be nice if he would just do one thing without me needing to ask him...."

Have you ever said something like this to your husband?

Or maybe more likely, have you thought them?

To read more, click here

Keeper at Home and Submission

ed. note:  I have been battling sleepless nights with Sara, so I am posting a recent post from Generation Cedar.

HOME is More Than Dirty Laundry!

Willing submission to my calling and to my husband is not hard because it is nothing more than submission to my Savior.

And his heart beat while on earth leaves us with the answer to life:

"Let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not my will but Thine be done."

"I must be about my Father's business."

"And being in the form of God, He thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation and took upon Him the form of a servant..."

Jesus had all power and authority in Heaven and earth. He COULD do what He wanted to do. He was important, smart and ambitious. But those traits were only utilized for the Kingdom when he submitted to the will of His Father.

Identifying with Christ in this way gives us a confident, freeing starting place. My calling as a helper and comrade to my husband was God's idea, not man's.

In Genesis, the dominion mandate was given to a man and his wife. They were to fulfill God's mission together, like a well-oiled machine.

As a woman given to the calling of keeping my home, helping my husband and raising a family for the glory of God, my heart leaps with joy that I have been entrusted with such a noble task! Yes it's hard, yes, some days I cry, but the truth of the mission remains.

One of the common stereotypes of biblical womanhood is that she is enslaved at home, receiving orders barked from her husband who is "in charge".

Contrary to that idea, a woman in a biblical marriage is the "queen" or manager of her home. She is actually the one "in charge" of the numerous duties of keeping a home and her husband is free to be the man God created him to be because "the heart of her husband safely trusts her". The two are on the same page--same vision--same goals. He doesn't have to micro-manage her time because he knows she is capable, smart and eager to fulfill their mission.

One of the feminist lies is that a woman can only be truly free in a career outside her home. But the irony is that she still submits to someone (usually another man). What's worse is that the man to whom she must obey doesn't love her, doesn't have her best interests at heart and doesn't feel any motivation to protect her.

She is given to another's schedule, another's agenda and another'sorders. She helps someone else fulfill his goals, convinced she is "free".

Wouldn't I rather do this for my husband? If I'm not helping him, doesn't he then need to find another helper? He gives me much more freedom than any other boss does!

Another stereotype asserts that a keeper at home can't make money. Hogwash! Let me mention my friend, Jennie, again. She startedSensibility.com years ago and has grown quite a successful business right from home! I think Crystal Paine has figured it out too! In fact, there has never been such opportunity as now for women at home to run successful businesses, helping with the family's economy.

Education is another misunderstood area. If your domain is the home, especially if you home school, learning takes on a whole new meaning. I have never had such opportunity to read research and study than now, alongside my children!

Many feel sorry for the lack of socialization a stay-at-home mom gets. And admittedly, this can be a challenge. But when the season is right, a woman given to hospitality gets to enjoy the richness of meaningful relationships and discipleship right in her home, where the love of Christ and the aroma of friendship envelopes all those who enter her home. This kind of interaction with others is, I think, a most meaningful and successful form of evangelizing. Whether it's having families over, or just other women with whom she can share, there is a whole ministry awaiting. 

(As a side note, being a "keeper at home" doesn't mean she can never leave home! Certainly her work requires her to spend the majority of her time there, but she isn't tied to the washer ;-)

In addition to these few things, depending on her season of life, when a woman understands the art in homemaking, the ocean can't contain the opportunities at her disposal. I have friends who have catering businesses--true food artists,who not only make money but bless others with their gifts. Friends who are photographers, even setting up their own dark rooms, seamstresses who make costumes and sell or display, artists so gifted in crafts they never buy a gift, women who can design, build or remodel a whole house, musicians...the list goes on.

And let me add, I don't want any women reading to feel underachieved. I certainly don't want to suggest you have to be some supermom. That is NOT the point of this post! You know my heart. I only want to turn over some of the stereotypes and say to women that being a keeper at home doesn't mean enslavement and misery.

Far more important than these things is the work she does in teaching her children about the Lord. Right there, given as gifts from heaven, is an army of God being prepared to march out and continue the mission. On the weary days, I try to envision a family gathering when I am old. Hoping to see throngs of people around me, my children with their children with their children--the heritage of the Lord, the fruit of our labor!

Some people can't fathom *HOME* as anything more than a building with lots of dirty laundry. But it's so much more!

Afford to stay home?

The other day I was at the dentist.  The tech and I sat talking while Mathias had his teeth cleaned.  This was our first time to the practice and she asked a few questions about our family.  I talked about how we had seven children and her first response was "you must home school".  Her second was "you must not work outside the home.  You couldn't afford to."

The "you must home school" comment didn't surprise me.  Comments like that are common place when you have a large family.  Everyone just assumes that you are Catholic, Mormon, or a homeschooler if you have a large family.  Obviously this isn't always true.  We don home school, but that isn't why we have a large family.  (You can read more about that in this previous post )

Her second comment though, got me thinking about stay-at-home moms.  I know several families that have 1 or 2 children where the mom works outside the home - either full or part time.  In my mind, they would be the ones who could more easily afford to stay home.  A family of 3 or 4 should cost a lot less money than a family of 9, 10 or more.  Food bills and clothing bills should be less.  Smaller families don't need to be driving full size or extended passenger vans.

Now if this tech was thinking that we couldn't afford to send our children to day care, she may be correct.  With most large families, there will be a wider range of children.  By the time the younger ones come around, the older ones would be in school.  So realistically, a larger family really wouldn't have any more children in day care than a family with fewer children.  So this argument really wouldn't work.

So, my question still is how can a family with 7 children afford to have a stay-at-home mom any more than a mom with 1, 2, or 3 children (assuming of course, that their income is similar)? With the way that our society thinks, they cannot.  Our culture says that each child needs to have his/her own room, this fabulous new toy, name brand clothes, play this sport, and attend this certain school.  Parents have to drive certain types of cars and own homes with so many square feet of space, and so on.

Larger families tend to be more frugal with what they spend.  Name brands don't mean as much, and many of the clothes are from a discount or second hand store, hand-me downs from older siblings or church family, or sewn by Mom.  Meals tend to be simpler and made from scratch.  Vehicles tend to be large vans that aren't traded in after 100,000 miles.  Large families also tend to home educate.  This is what leads to the first comment the tech made.

I would like to clarify that the above paragraph does not hold just to large families.  I know several smaller families that also are very frugal.  I have a friend who has a few children and her husband only works odd jobs when they are available.  She does some online selling and what they bring home is all their income.  She could go out into the work force and probably find a good job, but she has chosen to be frugal and live on what they can to be home all day with her children.  What a testimony she has.

So the comment that the tech made should really be applicable to most moms, not just us with large families.  Most moms, should they choose, should be able to stay home, and logically those this fewer children should have an easier time of doing so than those moms with more children.  

Of course there are always variables.  Income, cost of living, and our family's resistance to cultural demands are just a few.  Despite those, I do encourage working mothers to examine for yourself  why you are working and is there really a way to live on one income.  

For those mothers who do stay home with your children, do you grumble and wish for more money and things?  Being frugal isn't easy and takes work.  Or do you have a heart of thankfulness that you are able to stay home and be a keeper at home? 

Recently two of my favorite blogs, A Holy Experience and Generation Cedar, had excellent posts.  "A Strange Disappearance" and "A Time for Truth".  I encourage all moms to read them and evaluate themselves in light of it.  I did and wept, because my attitude of staying at home is not always where it should be.  It is all put into perspective.  

 I am not a stay at home Mom.  

I am a God’s worker. 

I have a full-time 24/7 career, working for the King of the Universe. 

I have work orders. 

I am sent. 

I am on assignment.