Helping a Grieving Friend

I have been spending a lot of time reading different blogs on the loss of babies and the processing of the grief. While I was surfing I came across an 11-part series titled "How to Help Your Grieving Friend" It was a comfort to me as I go through the loss of Selah, but it also opened my eyes to how I can help those around me. We tend to tip-toe around those who have experienced loss and in this series, Molly give some good advice.

Part 1 "How to Help Your Grieving Friend"

Part 2 "Just Know that She's Exhausted"

Part 3 "She's a Scatterbrain"

Part 4 "There is No Timetable"

Part 5 "She May Explode (but probably not)"

Part 6 "She Can't Grieve on Command"

Part 7 "Ask Her Specific Questions"

Part 8 "Avoid the Flippant Comfort of Hallmark Answers"

Part 9 "Always on My Mind"

Part 10 "10 Tips for Bringing Meals to a Grieving Friend"

Part 11 "Cleaning Her House is Next to Godliness"

God is in Control

During the last week we have seen God's hand working in ways we could not have foreseen.

A couple months ago our church planned a trip for last week to go to the Creation Museum. Daniel thought he would just take the whole week off and do some odd jobs around the home that needed to be done. So he was here for a whole week without any work obligations dividing his attention.

Two weeks ago, Sara decided she wanted to move her bed into the girls' room. This really surprised us as she always likes to sleep near Mommy. Plus, nothing is easy with Sara - ever. However she has slept in the girls' room every night since then, never crying for Mommy and even putting herself back to sleep on her own. God knew we needed her out of our room for this past week so that I could rest and have a quiet place for Daniel and I to be.

Then today He touched me in a way that made me see once again how He is in control of every little detail. At the beginning of May, Angie Smith's book "I will Carry You - The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy" was a free e-book at Barnes and Noble. I follow her blog so I thought I would download the book. I happened to download it the weekend that I conceived Selah. Today I "found" it on my computer. God knew I was going to need that book, even the moment when she was conceived.

"But now thus says the LORD,

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3

We still have a long way to heal, physically and emotionally, but God is in control. He knows what we need at the exact moment we need it. He will carry us through.

Whate'er My God Ordains is Right

Whate'er my God ordains is right:
Holy his will abideth;
I will be still whate'er he doth;
And follow where he guideth:
He is my God: though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to him I leave it all.

Whate'er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path;
I know he will not leave me:
I take, content, what he hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait his day.

Whate'er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking:
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate'er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet am I not forsaken;
My Father's care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to him I leave it all.

Samuel Rodigast, 1676
Translated by Catherine Winkworth, 1863
Tune: Gastorius by Severus Gastorius, 1675

The Pain of Miscarriage

Each of us have be grieving the loss of Selah in a different way. Emotions have been high, sharp words of been spoken, tears shed, others have withdrawn. To help her process everything, Ashly wrote this poem:

When My Time is Done

I will never get to see you until my time is done.

To hold you, comfort you , or cuddle you close.

But I know you will have a wonderful time up there.

No pain or suffering, every day filled with happiness.

But when my time is done, to you I will run,

To hold you close and whisper your name:

When my time is done.

Mourning

Selah Remembrance Ryken

was born into the arms of Jesus on June 21, 2010

at 8 weeks gestation.

The Balm Of God's Love

When we lose someone we love
The loss seems too great to bear
God sends us friends to comfort us
To show that He deeply cares

But in the dark hours of the night
When there’s nobody else around
When we feel the saddest and loneliest
It’s there God’s love can be found

It’s like a soothing, healing balm
To soothe our broken hearts
The healing oil poured over us
That flows into every part

We can rest secure in God’s love
And know He’s by our side
He holds us when we feel as though
A part of us has died

We can know that God will listen
When we just want to talk
And when we feel we need to cry
We can share it with the Lord

For He is always waiting there
Ready with arms open wide
As we pour out the hurt within
He pours His love inside

Our Father above loves us so much
And will never leave us alone
He will not forsake us in our need
To face this on our own

He comforts us and strengthens us
And rubs us with His balm
And as the dawn breaks through the night
We’ll awake in His loving arms.

© By M.S.Lowndes